“You must be the person you have never had the courage to be. Gradually, you will discover that you are that person, but until you can see this clearly, you must pretend and invent.”― Paulo Coelho
There is an adage, “fake it ‘til you make it.” It is widely considered a colloquialism of an Aristotle quote “Men acquire a particular quality by constantly acting in a particular way.” It seems like good advice. So much so that there is a cottage industry of inspirational posters and memes that align with it. If you can dream it, you can be it. Dress for the job you want, not the one you have. As a man thinketh… and all that. They’re not wrong. It is almost impossible to do or become something that you can’t even imagine. However, imagining, like faking, isn’t enough by itself. There is still the small matter of doing. When you’re still trying to sort out how to do what you need to, it can be a challenge to figure out how to do what you want to or what you’re supposed to. Some of you are faking it right now. You’re faking doing well in your classes or at work. You’re faking feeling ok. You’re faking bravery. You’re faking not being overwhelmed by the world you find yourself trying to navigate. You’ve mastered plastering on that smile that doesn’t quite reach your eyes and muttering some version of I’m ok whenever you’re asked. I get it. I have done it too. Sometimes I still do. Anyone that knows me knows that my response to any version of how am I doing is almost always living the dream. And I am. Even if it is not as dreamy as other people’s seem to be, or even what someone else would consider a dream. My rationale is simple, my life, my dream, period. I am where I’m supposed to be, doing what I'm supposed to do. If or when I decide the dream is doing something else, then it will be time to do just that. Jenifer Lewis said something in a recent interview for her new book. “If someone is not willing to die for you, why would you ever live for them? Find your own way.” I am always open to feedback, even critical feedback on improving my dream from people genuinely trying to help me be better. Everyone else can miss me with their “advice.”
“What is important is to believe in something so strongly that you’re never discouraged.” – Salma Hayek
“One of the greatest things you have in life is that no one has the authority to tell you what you want to be. You’re the one who’ll decide what you want to be. Respect yourself and respect the integrity of others as well. The greatest thing you have is your self-image, a positive opinion of yourself. You must never let anyone take it from you.” – Jaime Escalante
“Life's journey - it unfolds for you as you are ready for it.” RuPaul
So now that we’ve cleared that up, now what. You’re midway through the semester and it is either going great, going alright, or sucking. There are some shades in between those three, but they about sum it up. If it is going great, great. Keep it up. If it is just going alright, that’s ok. Let’s figure out how to change things up to finish strong. If it sucks, believe it or not, that is ok too. All that means is you need support not now but right now. What you’re doing has not been working, sometimes despite your best efforts. Doesn’t mean you can’t do it. It just means you need some help finding a different approach. Seek the help and be open to the support that is offered. It is also important to note that it is all contextual. Things could be going great in one aspect and completely sucking in another. That, beloved, is life. It is never perfect, but we are each perfectly suited for it. No matter which category you find yourself feeling, you can make it. It will take work, it will take discipline, it will take energy that you may not feel like you have to give. That’s fine, reset, reenergize, reengage. You can make it to… well that is up to you. Do me a favor though, don’t make the dream getting one yard (it is football season lol). Make the dream the end zone then strive to get there whether all at once or one yard at a time. You can fake it for now, just not forever. Keep working on you to become the you of your dreams.
“I believe in destiny. But I also believe that you can’t just sit back and let destiny happen. A lot of times, an opportunity might fall into your lap, but you have to be ready for that opportunity. You can’t sit there waiting on it. A lot of times you are going to have to get out there and make it happen.” — Spike Lee
“Action is the antidote to despair.” – Joan Baez
“Discipline is not a dirty word. There is far more freedom and opportunity for creativity and success in enjoying discipline. Years ago, someone I very much respect told me the reason they were successful is that they embraced doing what other people resent or are reluctant to do.” — Janice Bryant Howroyd
What are we asking you to do?
1. Know that fantasy is always fantastic. Don’t use other people’s highlight reels or apparent successes as your benchmark for making it. Celebrate them, don’t envy them, and keep doing you.
2. Your struggles may not be your fault, but they are your responsibility. Identify external barriers and find ways over, around, or through them. If you need help getting past them, we’re here.
3. Change it up. If one approach isn’t working, try another.
4. Celebrate your accomplishments. When you hit a goal no matter how small, make the time to celebrate. You’ve earned it. Then get back to work.
5. Grow your goals. As you approach one goal, set another. Keep giving yourself things to strive for.
6. Take care of YOU. The world has reopened, but that doesn’t mean it feels or is safe. As you move, take care of your whole self in real and tangible ways. If you need help, get help. If you need help finding help, just say something, we are here for you.
7. Take care of your business. You are here to get your degree. Life requires balance for sure but keep the main thing the main thing. You have persevered through pandemic, campus closure, zoom, all of it. Keep that same energy and get this done. The world needs to see the brilliance you have to offer.
Now go be great!