It’s SGA election season again, and you know what that means: Self-important SGA bureaucrats running around trying to appear, for at least three days out of a year, like anything but self-important SGA bureaucrats. However, there is one campaign that seems to have deviated from this time-honored formula for “success”, causing quite a stir. Indeed, it seems as though Richard Elliott, notable for being the founder of UMBC Progressives, and his running mate Maheen Haq actually plan to DO things if elected; namely, to recreate the events of the smash-hit musical “Les Miserables”.
Now, I usually focus on real-life politics, so I was hesitant to cover this infantile charade we call the SGA elections, but after much insistence on the part of my superiors, I relented and ventured to Bio 120, the lair of the UMBC Progressives. There I found a scene I was not quite prepared for.
Inside sat a number of undergrads, singing of the merriment of youth and the hardships of being a student. I pushed through the crowd, seeking out Richard in the hopes of an interview with him. He was not hard to find, however, as he stood on a desk and shouted over the din of the musical number in a moody tenor:
“It is time for us all to decide who we are
Do we fight for alright snacks at Late Night? No!
Have you asked of yourself what’s the price you might pay?
Is this simply a game for penniless students to play?
The colors of the school are changing the SGA
Gold! With loans we now have none!
Black! The dark of morning lab!
Gold! Like sunrise on the Quad!
Black! Spring Break begins at last!”
After this triumphant chorus, the lights dimmed, save for a single spot, trained on Executive Vice President candidate Maheen Haq, who began to sing in a lilting soprano, accompanied by a soft bell choir:
“I dreamed a dream in Senior High
When hopes were high, and loans untaken,
I dreamed of a degree in Poli Sci
I dreamed Hrabowski’d be forgiving
When I was young, and had straight A’s
My dreams were made, and used, and wasted
There were no internships unpaid
No SEB event undone
No free food untasted.”
With this heart-wrenching melody complete, the lights returned, and SGA Senate candidate Nate Hoxie began his rendition of “Castle in PAHB”. At this point, I decided to make my leave. However, given that their opponents are the ticket of Josh “Literally Javert” Massey and Markya “Played by Russell Crowe” Reed, and the ticket of Collin Sullivan and Chiamaka Ugboh, who are best described as “the two night watchmen who beat up Jean Valjean in the first act: dickish, forgettable, and really only there to get you on the side of the protagonists,” we here at MBC News figure we might as well put our support behind ElliotHaq 2017, after all, we’ve all got to die someday, may as well make it during a critically acclaimed musical.
Visit their facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/ChangeForUMBC/?hc_ref=SEARCH
- Doctor Ector